I'm really sorry for just crappy and ugly pics the last time ?
Photo is actually a year ago but now I have the same weight and height just a year older.
But yeah in this year I just learnt that my body is really really shitty.
I'm just totally busy with surviving my current life... Between OCDs, family, friends, my dog, school,...
I actually have holidays and till yesterday I was on vacation in Netherlands but it was really exhausting and my OCDs were constantly screaming, I couldn't sleep, depressions and self esteem were horrible,...
I have no clue how to go on this way as it is just to much and I'm so so tiered, I wake up tiered, I sit in school tiered, I'm in the gym tiered, I walk with the dog tiered... I'm just tiered.
Tiered of having this life.
I simply don't understand that.
I don't understand why my life and the life of the people who deal with me have to be that way.
I don't understand how my body works, I actually should lose weight as I don't eat to less or to much just a bit to less but yeah I keep maintaining and by reducing I gain so...
And this scares me because empty of the time this ends in more exercising and cutting my calories down drastically....
Time goes by so fast and this scares me it of hell as it means there is less time left,
But at the same time life goes by so slow that I don't know what to do with it.
I'm just overwhelmed.
I want to have a break.
But there is no time, no break, nothing.
So I need to learn to run faster, but I can't move.
Poffjertes are always a good idea aren't they??
Together with a big class latte macchiato ☕️?
Isn't it sad that most people think that if you are weigh restored or nearly weight restored that you aren't anorexic anymore, that there isn't the thought about food, sport, calories, burning, macros in you head anymore, that you eat whatever, whenever & wherever you want just because you don't look like just skin and bones. That you do sport because you like it, they don't see that you may do sport because you feel worthless, fat, greedy. That you are weight restored because you wanted it not because anyone forced you, that you have gained the weight because you are a lot not because you simply ate still under a to less amount and your body just started to gain weight.
That you maintain a weight because you feel good with it, no they don't see that you maintain as you don't know why your body doesn't want to loose weight if you are eating less than thousand calories or maybe you just hope that one day everything will be better again and you try to come along with an healthy body till this time arrives.
It's sad that people just see the one thing in being anorexic.
It's sad that even most of the experts don't really see that.
It's sad that you need to be nearly dead till anyone realized that you are ill.
Isn't it messed up?
Isn't it stupid?
I can't understand this because even many anorexic people don't really believe that and think that weight restored anorexics feel actually better now than before.